Broke down

8th of August,

This piggy fiishey woke up at 10am today. have lotsa plans in hand but dont know which to forgo. didnt want to forgo any of them or disappoint any of them. So, she went to all but not the ones for herself. Was supposed to, *go back coll for tickets selling *go back for placement day *bring food for hiim *go for hair cut *bring sis for snowflakes *lunch with yinnang an vee vee. All of these are at the time between 10.30am to 1pm.. OMG!

So here's the plan, dropped food for hiim at 11.45am then headed to college for muffin and cheesestick =] first time seeing stick putting on the sandwich advertisment board.. super funny lolx.. then said SORRY! cant join them for the tickets selling.. then walk to snowflakes with sister. BUT.. DX it wasnt open. coz this messy fishey messed up the opening time to 11am-1am instead of 1pm-11pm =( sorry yiing.. argh.. I kept making lotsa mistake and saying sorry =(

Next, heading back to KL with sis in car to restaurant yourcheff.com to meet up with yinnang and vee vee for lunch. was relaxing and fun! we had very very nice traditional italian food. will update those pics in awhile coz all of them are still with yinnang.. hees =) I love the tiramisu!

after saying bye to vee2 and yinnang, sent sis home then waited for hiim to pick me up from home and accompanied hiim for a haircut at balakong. as usual things were fine all the way. somethings happened afterall, and until now I wasnt sure anymore whether what exactly is the cause for all these argument that hurt so much. I hate to argue.. and you too.. we both knew that. but it just seemed so unpredictable. what I can say here is that I did trust very hard, very... and that's why I always fall painfully at the time.

Things were revealed, words were torn apart, and lastly, tears were filling, and dripped. Sandra broke down. I just cant help it anymore. why am I going through all these. I was questioning myself again and again. You know I cant afford to lost. You know it's important to me. You know I cant afford to be hurt for the second time. Its going to tear the heart into pieces. Those would etch and make scars on the broken heart.

"..When I asked you to hold my hand, with fingers crossed over, I asked you to hold it tightly, because when it's tight, I could feel that you are squeezing the my glassed heart into pieces. More tightly, squeezing the pieces into sand with my bleeding palm holding on, with pain. Feeling that, I barely breathe with the pain, but still holding on for you. Telling myself that Its going to end when glass sand are blown away and pain fades.."

Im emotionless. Moodless. Numbness....

Messy Me

7th of August,

Friday morning, to hiim thanks for the ride to college, I was late anyway, late for maths class. But nvm, I catched up. I got my Ielts Test Results, hmm as expected, 7.5 over 9, nothing more than than by screwing speaking test, I knew that. was in lost mode after class.. not sure whether I should attend the Cambridge Stories Sharing Session by Cumas, the Cambridge Alumni and current students.. Was standing outside the placement centre, stand facing the balcony, looking at the phone, couldnt even realise that tuck called me from the opposite. Found 15 missed calls from hiim, Sorry I put it in silence mode and also no vibration at all. I was just bit lost anyway, Sorry. didnt mean to be so unmanageable today, just in messy mood, so everything seems to be so not in order. Sorry i screwed your plan and time.

Anyhow, I went to the talk, and kept you waiting, sorry, again. I got to talk to William, a first year law student at Cambridge. He was from Help college. Genius.Smart.Brilliant. Took 7 subjects in A levels and aimed, applied ONLY to Cambrige. A scholar in Trinity College. Encouraged me a lot. thanks =) then, wanted to talk to Andrea, the President of Cumas, also a law student in Cambridge. wonderful&strong girl. just good and I like to listen to her when she speaks. So here you can really understand what I meant by the persuasion power of a Law student. Another great motivation.

When dinner with hiim at nice food stall at Midah. was not feeling well that time, vomited. Was a perfect day.. And you know how much I treasure and appreciate for such a wonderful day. But well, things just werent go well recently. And I hate it.. but anyhow it was back to normal during the night. Im glad at least.

Exhaustion

Tired.. =( hmmm.. alot of things have been going on.. where can I get more spare capacity to be utilised huh? Another day of 5 hour classes. Trial exam is near, less than a month. Charity Carnival is next week 12th, Drama Production is on the 14th, He is leaving on the 15th... Lotsa things have to be gone through here. Im mentally exhausted. =\


Ticket booth is set up today the first day =) hmm but it was raining on and off the whole morning, screwed me up a bit *.* but hope things will go more smooth tmr. Was kinda stress after listening to Uncle Michael who is stationed at the magazines booth next to us this afternoon. Suprisingly, he taught us a lot, learning from textbooks were way too theoretical basis, but when it comes to application in real life cases, we were not that good, or I shall said eventually we failed, many practical and useful advices were given. Sometimes, things were to be more clear and easy to be said through others' lips. Clear cut I used to call that. coz somehow its through a stranger that we might not meet him anymore, so easily reachable ideas and mistakes were pointed on the face. Yea, that's what I think though... =/


Aww well, gonna take a rest now and break to to relax my mind and body hees~ hmm so that later able to walk at the night market with hiim.. whee! dinner at night market.. *better not to be lost* or else someone will go crazy again.. lolx.. I cant wait to weekend le.. =\ hang out session with my bestie zi muis =) then placement day on the saturday.. and probably Ikea, might be going for sticker photo with hiim too.. hees~ =)

for the day =)

Bye! *loves*

hmmm..?

?

Hey people.. I am back at home from college. Another sunny hot afternoon here. So the fiishey is staying indoor with air-con ! iish having the mood to blog for today. well.. not sure what have actually made my day but well alot though. I was kinda stress during the morning but eventually it has generated to become a positive motivator for the day. Drama production is just next weekend and the ticket sales were not up to the expectation though =\ trying very hard now and tmr will be setting up a ticketing booth near the entrance of college.. hopefully it may helps to boost sales.. most importantly, I am hoping hard that all the Peanut Butter 6 will give their full support to the Business Club..

Oh well, Have been cutting my sister watching drama online so that I can blog with faster speed of connection, asked for 30mins, so need to let her back to the drama soon. Gonna take a nap I guess while waiting for my dearest hiim to get his passport done at the Immigration Department now. For your info, he's going to Melbourne next Saturday.. hmm let's see how things will go then =) Gonna brainstorm for the personal statement to Cambridge too.. I havent get it done yet.. =( I need some brain juice... Dx

hmmm that's all for the day =) sleep session now.. O:

Ciao people~

The 7th..

Have been having some hard times over lotsa things.. but at least everything went fine after all.. yesterday was supposed to go on the plan to IKEA but he's sick.. =\ so plan delay.. plus with massive jam at all the KL road especially federal highway due to the ISA issue, so forget it! was by his side take caring him yest.. want him to get well.. not to delay da opportunity to Melbourne, even though I was so not willing to let him leave for this period of time but no.. I know I shouldnt be that irrational. Gotta be stong gal!

Sorry Kenn, have been turning you down for few times even for today's movie and poppy session. but i wasnt feeling well during da night due to my backache again.. so kinda not in da mood or party.. sorry yea.. And to Cheryl dear.. Sorry cant join you at Snowflakes last thurs.. was da busiest day ever in da week.. when you were there I was still in a meeting le.. paiseh.. next time pls.. I promise =)

So this weekend, sandra has been a guai guai lui staying at home.. was watchin Jolin Malaysia tour tv show.. She is beautiful weyyy.. *blink* hees.. Heavy workload from studies had made me feel extremely exhausted.. and nearly gonna lost my passion towards my dream. but NO! I cant just let myself and everyone down at this very last moment. I will definitely regret on this. Passion.Passion.Passion.

So afterall, to hiim, thanks for staying by my side all this while, I truly appreciate it.. when flashing all of them in mind, you can see a smiley face on me =) that you can simply understand.. hopefully there will be more memories for us to treasure and I am sure it will be the most lovable ones..

Like thiis *loves*

Will be going the gathering party at liying's tmr night. will be meeting lotsa old friends I guess. Hopefully it wouldnt be so strange.. hopefully it would be fun! meeting back the LKT old buddy.
looking forward to it =)